PRICE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS 




PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

15 CENTS EACH 

F 

CRANFORD DAMES. 2 Scenes; IJ^ hours 8 

GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 1 Act; 30 minutes 7 

CHEERFUL. COMPANION. 1 Act; 25 minutes 2 

LESSON IN ELEGANCE. 1 Act; SOmmutes 4 

MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 3 Acts; 1}4 hours 6 

MURDER WILL OUT. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

ROMANCE OF PHYLLIS. 3 Acts; IM hours 4 

SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes 5 

OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

^VHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 4 

SWEET FAMILY. 1 Act; 1 hour 8 

BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. 1 Act; 2 hours 30 

PRINCESS KIKU. (S5 cents) 13 

RAINBOW KIMONA. (35 cents.) 2 Acts; IJ^ hours 9 

MERRY OLD MAIDS. (35 cents.) Motion Song 11 

PLAYS FOR MALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

J5 CENTS EACH 

APRIL FOOLS. 1 Act; 30 minutes 3 

BYRD AND HURD. 1 Act; 40 minutes 6 

DARKEY WOOD DEALER. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

WANTED, A M AHATMA. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

HOLY TERROR. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

MANAGER'S TRIALS. 1 Act; 1 hour 9 

MEDICA. 1 Act; 35 miimtes 7 

NIGGER NIGHT SCHOOL. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SLIM JIM AND THE HOODOO. 1 Act; 30 minutes 5 

WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAD CLERK. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY*. ';1. J^^^*' ^ '^^^^ ^~ 

PICKLES AND TICKLES. ' *f Act; 20 minutes C 

HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40 minutes 10 

CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mode Trial; 2 hours.... 28 

DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. Moclc Trial. 22 

GREAT LIBEL CASE. Mock Trial; 1 Scene; 2 hours 21 

RIDING THE GOAT. Burlesque Initiation; 1 Scene; ll^ hours 24 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 





LATE THIS MOENING 



A Monologue 



By NOBLE MAY 



Copyright, 1912, by Dick & Fitzgerald 



NEW YORK 

DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 ANN STREET 






CI.D 30404 



LATE THIS MORNING 



Scene. — A simply furnished office, with desk or table with 
drawers. ENTER stenographer speaking breathlessly 
and digging among her waving willow plumes for buried 
hat pins. 
Say, gee, I'm awful late this morning. My, but I had 
to hustle. Ma never called me till ten to seven and maybe 
I didn't pretty near break my neck trying to get dressed. 
Say, Mabe, get that hat pin for me like a good kid. I'm 
scared to death the boss'll see me with my hat on. Not 
that I care. I could get another job twice as good as this 
one just as easy as pie. Land sakes, my hair looks fierce. 
Seemed like I just couldn't get it fixed what with ma 
being just set and determined that I should eat my break- 
fast and running round behind me with little pieces of 
toast and all. Say, do you s'pose I'd have time to beat it 
down to the cafe and get me something to eat before the 
boss gets here? I've a good mind to try. My, but don't 
my hair look fierce? Do you s'pose I'd have time to run 
out to the dressing room and comb it real good? I just 
kind of picked it over and I know it looks fierce. Say, 
now, that's awful sweet of you, but I know it does just 
the same. Say, Mabe, loan me your chamois, won't you, 
girlie? I didn't have time to get my face washed real good 
and I just got to polish it up a little. You ain't got one? 
Say, I bet you have, only you just don't want to loan it 
to me. All right, kiddo. I believe you. I was just joshing 
you. Ask Miss Mulcahey? Well, I guess not. Her and 
me ain't talked to each other for's much as a year and I 
got a great big picture of me asking her for her chamois. 
And I bet it won't be my fault if we never do talk to each 
again. Common trash! Say, kiddo, did you see that new 
lid of hers? Honest, I thought I'd die when I first lamped 



4 Late This Morning 

it. I pretty near laughed right out in her face. Say, it's 
the most comical looking thing you ever saw. The shape 
of it's kind of like yours, only different. No, I didn't say 
it was like yours. I just said that it was kind of that 
shape, only different. It don't look no more like yours 
really than nothing, except for the shape and the way it's 
trimmed. Say, youngster, if you're going to get sore over 
a little thing like that! Well, you certainly did act like 
you was, but I'm willing to let bygones be bygones. I 
ain't one to hold a grudge. 

Say, now I'd like to know what become of my gum that 
I stuck right here under the edge of my desk. I bet one 
of those scrub ladies swiped it. It's a pity a person can't 
leave a thing lay in' round in this joint but what the next 
thing it's gone. 

Say, I wisht you could a seen the fellow that was sitting 
acrost the car from me this morning. Say, could he rub- 
ber? Well, I guess yes. Say, he sat there with his eyes 
pretty near popping right out of his head till I pretty 
near laughed right in his face. A real kind of a nice look- 
ing fellow he was, too. Honest to goodness, I never seen 
quite such a rubberer. And so I just rubbered right back 
and I says to Mame, that's my kid sister, she works over 
to Rosenheim's and land knows what she wants to work 
for that bunch of Sheenies for, but she says they're real 
kind of nice to her, well anyway, I says to Mame when 
we come to get off the car ''Well," I says "when it comes 
to rubbering, I can do it just's good's the next one," I 
says, so when I got off I just turned right around and 
stared at him, and I couldn't hardly keep my face straight. 
Say, they can't none of these fellows get ahead of me. 

Now, where do you s'pose my nail file is? Yes, I did, 
I left it right here in this drawer. Now, do you s'pose 
one of them kids would of had the nerve to of took it? 
I bet they would, too. They got the nerve for anything. 
I didn't say anybody took it. I just said they would of 
had the nerve to, and I'm willing to say it right to their 
face. I wasn't insulting nobody. That isn't my nature. 
But I would just like to know where that nail file is. Sure, 
I left it here. 0, here it is, slipped down behind these 



Late This Morning 6 

papers, but I must say I have my opinion of folks that 
can't let other folks' things alone. Say, I'm just crazy for 
some gum. Ain't you got a bit? I wonder if Jones has 
got some. He most generally has, but I don't know 
whether he'd give me any or not. Last time I asked him 
he said right to my face that he didn't have any, and I saw 
him get out a fresh piece the minute I turned my back. 
Tightwad ! I have my opinion of a person that's too stingy 
to give another person a little piece of gum. 

Say, girlie, got a piece of tissue paper that I can cover 
up my hat with? No, dearie, that won't do. I gotter 
have a big one. Tell the kid to go out to the stock room 
and get me a piece, won't you. I'll do something for you 
some day if you will. Say, I'm going to take some of this 
paper to pin over my sleeves and the front of my waist. 
O, well, of course, if you don't want I should take it. Well, 
I never said you wasn't going to use it yourself. I guess I 
can get some out of my own. desk. Well, use it yourself. 
I don't see that anybody's preventing you. All I ask is 
for you to quit talking about it. 

Say, I wisht I had some gum. Ain't it the limit how 
dirty a person gets when they work downto^vn? I know 
it don't look very good to go round like you was trying 
to give an imitation of a paper balloon, but I don't give a 
rip. Ma's struck. She says she ain't going to do no more'n 
three waists for me a week, so I just gotter keep 'em look- 
ing kind of decent the first day. Not that I care hovv^ I 
look down here in this old joint, but I meet my friend on 
the elevated going home and it makes him sore if I don't 
look good. You know how some fellows are. Well, I 
don't know as it makes much difference to me what you 
think about it. All I have to say is that I'd rather have 
a fellow that notices things. A fellow that didn't notice 
when you don't look good wouldn't notice when you do. 

Thanks, kid, much obliged. What's that? Kelly says 
I better quit sending out there for paper. Says he ain't 
going to let me have no more. I like his nerve, and I'll 
tell him so right to his face. Just wait till I want some 
more and I'll show him. Say kid, just peek into Parker's 
room and see if he's there and if he ain't, hand me out his 



6 Late This Morning 

brush broom, won't you, that's a good youngster? Say, 
you're a peach. Now brush me off a little, won't you? 
Say, you didn't brush off the back of my skirt. Sure, 
that's all right. Now, you can take the brush back. And, 
say, kid, look in the lower drawer on the left hand side of 
his desk and see if he's got any shoe polish left. Maybe I 
used the last of it yesterday noon. Sure, he keeps it there. 
Get it myself! Well, I like your nerve. See here, young 
man, you're getting just a little too fresh. I can see where 
it's coming to you to have somebody learn you where 
you get off at. 

Say, girlie, stick a couple of pins in my waist where the 
buttons is off, won't you? Thanks ever so much. Oh, 
it was there, was it, kid? O, that's all right. I don't 
never hold grudges. Say, if that kid hadn't got off so 
quick I'd a had him shine my shoes. It's the limit how 
these kids hates to do anything. I wisht I had a couple 
of nickels that wasn't working so I could go down and 
have 'em shined. I'll have to go over and get Peterson's 
polisher. If you see the boss coming put me next, will you? 
I got so I just kind of hate to ask these kids to do a thing; 
they're so grouchy. I guess, after all, the easiest way to 
get things done is to do 'em yourself, huh? 

Say, Peterson wasn't there and he had his drawer where 
he keeps his shoe polisher locked up. What do you know 
about that? It beats all how suspicious some folks are. 
I wouldn't have a disposition like that for anything you 
could give me. Now, I never in the world would think of 
doing a thing like that. There ain't a grain of suspicious- 
ness in me. If there's anything I hate is folks that's always 
thinking other folks can't be trusted. Say, I wonder if 
Parker's got a polisher. He's just come, though, so I guess 
I won't go in there. 

Say, I wonder if I'd have time to go out and comb my 
hair good before the boss hikes in. Do you s'pose I would? 
Say, I believe I'll try. O, gee, here he comes now. What 
do you know about that? And I ain't even got my desk 
dusted. Say, ain't he the sneak? Coming down here at 
ten to nine just to spy on folks that's just as good as he is 
and see whether they're late or not. My, I hate that kind 



Late This Morning t 

of a disposition. I'm glad I ain't like that. I may have 
my faults, but I will say for myself that there ain't a grain 
of meanness in me. I'm all open and above-board. But 
I know there's a lot of folks that ain't like that and there's 
some not more'n a mile away either. Well, now, why on 
earth should I mean you? Was we talking about you? 
Well, w^hat's the use of being such a grouch? 

Say, who's that ringing his bell? Milton? Do you 
mean that cute looking young fellow that Mulcahey's so 
struck on? Say, where's my book and my pencils? Say, 
hustle up, kid, and loan me a pencil. And, say, let me 
take your book, too, won't you? Well, you can have mine 
when I find it. Say, hustle, kid, for the love of Mike. 
It'll break my heart if that Mulcahey gets in ahead of me. 

0, thanks awfully, dearie. You're a pretty good young- 
ster, after all. Now just watch me beat her to it. 



Mock Trials, Initianons and Monologues 

MAN PROPOSES, BUT WOMAN DISPOSES, is cent.. 

A sprightly and emotional Monologue by Lawrence D. Fogg, in which a young lady, 
on her birthday, endeavors by the guidance of letters and gifts from her numerous 
admirers, to decide on one of them for a husband. Her criticisms are witty and 
amusing, but she fails to make any selection. Why ? — Because. 

CONFESSIONS OF A MALE FLIRT, is cents, a monologue. 

by Lawrence D. Fogg, in which a bachelor, on the eve of his wedding, while burn- 
ing his love correspondence, recalls to mind some of the girls with whom he has been 
in love, with his hopes, his successes, and his disappointments. A strange medley of 
humor and heart-burnings, ending with a pathetic climax. Note — At the end, while 
the performer's head is buried in his hands, a procession may pass slowly by, repre- 
senting the girls he has been describing ; similar in effect to the scenes in the 
" Reveries of a Bachelor." 

SHOW AT WILKIN'S HALL, The. is cents, a comedy costume 
monologue for a lady, or gentleman in female costume, by Bertha M. Wilson. A 
" Take-Off " on Delsarteans in 2 scenes • the second can be given without the first, 
being complete in itself. A sure hit. 

WAKE AT O'GRADY'S, The. 15 cents. By William Sidney 
Hillyer. a monologue for an Irish character comedian. Runs 15 minutes. Besides 
the "wake," Mr. Du^an tells all about the christening at McGuire's. Especially 
recommended. 

CRUSHED TRAGEDIAN, A. 15 cents. By William Sidney 
Hillyer. A character monologue for male comedian. Depicts the reminiscences 
and tribulations of "the palmy days" by one of " the old school." Runs about 15 
minutes. Especially recommended. 

MATRIMONY— BEFORE AND AFTER. 2S cents, a humor- 

ous monologue, describing in a series of funny stories and sly deductions from facts 
more or less authentic, the hopes and delusions of the maudlin stages of love and 
courtship, and the awakening realities as viewed from the final standpoint of matri- 
mony. It keeps an audience in broad grins and explosive laughter for about 20 minutes. 

GREAT LIBEL CASE, The. 15 cents. A new mock trial, by Harry 
E. Shelland. 21 males. 8 leading characters and 13 jurymen (i excused). A roaring 
travesty of proceedings in court in the backwoods of Kentucky. The war experiences 
of the defendant, a bogus colonel, and the personalities of a jury of mixed nationalities 
and occupations, make this trial a screaming farce. It plays a whole evening. 

CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI CONEYISKEY, The. 

(An Anarchist.) 15 cents. A new Mock Trial, by Harry E. Shelland. 27 male, 
1 female (usually played by a male) characters. The latest and most amusing 
mock trial published. Good Tramp, French, German, Irish, Negro and Jew parts. 
Plays a whole evening. 

RUGGLES vs. THE PADERWHISKIE SCHOOL, is cents. 

A mock trial, by Charles J. Martin. Arranged for 18 male and 14 female characters 
or more as circumstances require ; the female characters are usually performed by 
males. This mock trial will keep the audience laughing every moment ; the action is 
rapid and replete with irresistible drolleries. Ritf^gles brings suit against the Pader- 
whiskie School for damages caused by the insufferable noise, vocal and instrumental, 
by which his rest is destroyed. Examples are performed to enable the jury to 
appreciate their excellence, giving opportunities for the introduction of specialties. 
Can be played a whole evening. 

RIDING THE GOAT. 15 cents, a burlesque initiation in a lodge of 
the *' Sovereign Union of the Emancipated Husbands," by O. E. Young. 12 male 
characters, also the wives of all of them (performed by males), and 2 attendant imps; 
associate members and their wives, ad libitum.. Time, ij^ hours. The cast includes 
a Dutchman, an Irishman, a Yankee and a Darkey. The proceedings are intensely 
funny with a roaring climax. Just the thing for a club where a large cast is desired. 




MILITARY PLAYS I 

25 CENTS EACH 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours lO 4 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 10 4 

PRISOXEK OF ANDERSONVILLE. 4 Acts; 2^ hours.. 10 4 <*> 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1^ hours 9 G 

ISABEL, THE PEARL OE~ CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 3 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2}4 hours 9 3 

BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 214 hours. 9 3 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours 8 4 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 214 hours; 1 Stage Setthig 7 4 

GREAT ^VINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 4 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2]4 hours 5 2 

AVHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1 hour.. . 6 3 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 1 



« 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; li^ hours 19 15 

JAPANESE ^VEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour ... 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; I14 hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKE^VL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; ]i^ hours I 13 

OVER THE GARDEN ^VALL. (15 cents) 11 8 




DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



AUG 




^SSSSSSSSSS 



COM 




00142120185 # 



BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4Act6;2hours 6 3 

BUTTE IINUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; SJ^ hours 11 6 

COI-iI^EGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 5i hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 3 

COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; SJ^ hours 9 4 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 2>^ hours 8 6 

DELEGATES FROM DE^^^ER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 10 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Acte;2hour8 6 5 

EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 4 

ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 5 3 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours 5 3 

IN THE ABSENCE OP SUSAN. 3 Acts; IJ^ hours 4 6 

.JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 6 3 

.JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Act8;2hour8 7 4 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2J^ hours 9 6 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours 13 4 

NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours 5 4 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts;2hours 5 3 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 6 4 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2»^ hours 5 3 

AVHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 7 4 

WHITE LIE. 4Act8; 2}^ hours 4 3 




WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4Act8;2hours 8 3 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 214 hours 11 3 

RED ROSETTE. 3Acts;2hours 6 3 

MISS MOSIIER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours... 5 3 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 

CRAAVFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 214 hours. 9 3 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



